Category Archives: Humor

Same As it Ever Was. . .

This may not be what you want to read or hear from someone, but there’s nothing you or I can do about it. You – me – everyone – are going to die. Having this as a reminder and a terrific conversation starter, let’s go a little further with this, and in the end, it’s all going to make sense. If it doesn’t, I’ll give your money back. Wait! You didn’t pay me. Lesson learned, you get what you paid for…

pair of love birdsThat’s really the first lesson everyone needs, you get what you paid for. Your thinking, that’s another dumb thing, he just said. Well, actually it’s the first smart thing I’ve typed, but you might miss the point.

Whenever you get an offer that sounds too good to be true, it’s definitely not going to turn out the way you expect. Sure, you heard what you wanted to hear, or they’re saying all the right things, however the delivery or the outcome isn’t going to be what’s promised.

Promises made and quickly found to be false.

  • This won’t hurt much
  • Trust me
  • This won’t make you pregnant
  • Hi, we’re from the IRS, and we’re here to help you.

We need to learn how to be critical in our thinking. Although the repeated life lesson is, “don’t trust a promise”, we hear words that we like, and we fall for it, almost every time. That’s how bad relationships start, used cars get sold, and politicians keep their job.

When a politician of your preferred party of choice makes a promise, don’t listen to their words, look at their history of delivery. Here are some examples, which are only applicable when the promise is made. These aren’t their exact words, but it’s what they generally say.

  • I’m going to make your schools better.
  • I’m going to give you good jobs.
  • I’m going to make you safe.
  • I’m going to make things fair.
  • I’m going to get you a tax break.
  • I’m going to really screw over the wealthy but make you a deal.
  • I’m going to protect you from all those bad people outside of our group.
  • I’m going to give you clean water.
  • I’m going to give you clean air.
  • I’m going to regulate all those things that need regulation.
  • I’m going to ban all those things you know need to be banned.
  • I’m going to give you a bunch of free things without concern how they get paid.
  • I’m going to keep you healthy.
  • I’m here for you.
  • And god bless ‘merica …

Does any of that look familiar?

I started out with something that’s known to be true. Then I proceeded to tell you what you probably didn’t want to hear. Well the fact is, everyone lies, some are whoppers designed to sucker you, but to tell their lies they start with something almost everyone accepts to be true. It’s the “mom & apple pie” story we like hearing. Then come the promises. My advice is to not believe them, unless and until they deliver on that promise. Chances are they won’t.

Put on your thinking cap anytime you hear a story that doesn’t fit what you know to be true. Don’t fall for the promises of boyfriend, girlfriend, theologian, politician, soldier, sailor, or salesman. Find out whether something is PROVABLY TRUE, NOT WHAT’S BELIEVED OR SAID TO BE TRUE!

Yes, you’re going to die, but why not live your life on your own terms, and not the promises of someone else?

BlackFace-sheep


Why I Hate Automotive Tech

There comes a time when the development of cars, computers, and so-called electronic convenience, become anything but that.

Fixing my own cars, and occasionally for others, I’ve witnessed this march to built-in catastrophic entrapment for several decades… and it ain’t pretty.

There was a time when an engine could be removed, valves replaced, seats ground, pistons pulled, cylinders rehoned, rings replaced, transmissions removed and rebuilt, and you could continue to use the same car for many years. If you want to keep them now, it’s going to be an expensive proposition.

Then came the need for pollution control systems. Not satisfied with pumping in more air to burn waste gases, nor using expensive palladium catalytic converters on the exhaust. That wasn’t enough. Let’s put in some sensors, and computerize the whole process of bringing in air, swirling it about with computer timed fuel injection and variable valve timing. Then fart it out the back with sensors that constantly sniff for emissions, only to feedback through the computer, hey – you’re giving me gas!

As if that wasn’t enough, they installed infotainment systems into these supposed smarter cars. Only one problem with that, no make it two. First the drivers need updates, and that wasn’t happening. Knob fiddling was one thing, but glaring at a screen which not only controls the interior temp, your favorite radio stations, the last 500 songs you cleverly downloaded, and also gives you reroute instructions past the 15 car pile up you need to avoid to get to work.

What Are The Usual Causes For Computer Failure in Vehicles

car-computer-insideNot only are computers failing with ever-increasing frequency, due to downsizing all those millions of tiny micro junctures, which makes them more susceptible to cycles of heat and cold. They now control your 9-speed automatic transmission which is arguing with your engine management systems on what the right fuel-air combination, meshing with the right gears for your on and off the acceleration because you couldn’t make up your mind on which of the 6 lanes of traffic to travel.

Mercedes, among several later manufacturers, has built-in systems to detect when you’ve listened to way too many conference calls and are now too drowsy to stay in your lane. They’ve also added another computer to check that your eyes are scrutinizing that fancy whiz-bang infotainment system instead of driving, and are about to plow into the little old person crossing the road in their 4 wheel drive, electronically controlled wheel chair. It has now applied the computer management system for your brakes, and detected the G-force to be sufficient to maim you, has launched 3 out of 7 possible air bags to cushion your low earth orbit.

One last system has been called upon to maintain your ride stability system which manages ride height on all 4 wheels, keeping you level, while bearing down on previously mentioned senior citizen, having a cardiac event in front of your just in time stopped car.

Never mind, the smart 4 wheel drive scooter has called 911 to get her or him the assistance they need.

Meanwhile, you will have gone through a pile of cash or credit to replace the inflated airbags and clean up the interior of your car, contaminated by all the internal special powder they put in those airbags, combined with your sudden urge that has stained the leather in your seat. After you receive the hospital bill for the face and neck burns from the airbags, you will visit your doctor for a prescription of Nitrazepam.

infotainment_cntrThe advance of technology has repealed radio / cassette knobs, in favor of a computerized lit entertainment screen which beckon you to gaze at it, instead of attentive driving.

BTW, you’ll need a new infotainment system after you have smashed your knuckles into it when your computer determined you had to stop extra fast because of the kitty running across the road in front of your collision avoidance equipped, modern car. evil_mask_sml

My best sock monkey

Stop To Laugh.. It’s Better Than You Think.

I’m not going to turn this into a political blog, but there’s a recurring theme in these presidential wannabe’s. It goes something like this . . . seeking wisdom

  • We need to be great again; I’m going to make us great, again.
  • We’re destroying the environment; I’m going to restore it.
  • We’re destroying the middle class; I’m going to get it back.
  • We’re divided; I’m going to unite us again.
  • We need to live like X years ago; I’m going to get us back there.
  • We’re in need of hope; I’m here to restore it.
  • We’re not feeling safe; I’m going to make us safe again.

What are we thinking? Do we really believe in this giant baloney sandwich served on a plate of horse squeeze?

Every election cycle there’s someone who says, there’s too much unfairness going around, and I’m going to fix it. We don’t live well like country Ozmania or Fairydustonia. Elect me and I’m going to spend a lot more so we can be a lot more like those wonderful Lowerslovonian’s.

I can’t speak for you, but things are a lot better now than we’re often led or choose to believe. We don’t have nearly as many problems to wake up to each day, fighting in a world hostile to everyday existence. There are places in the world where that’s still true, but not so much here.

Are we really that miserable that the empty and vague promises made by someone who wants us to think they have magical powers, will grant our wishes?

I’ve been voting for over 40 years, and with rare exception do I find someone remotely close to the type of person they self-promoted.

George & Martha Goose become disinterestedNo doubt, it’s a lot easier to point things out that aren’t perfect and could be better, than it is to fix them. Once in a while, we get surprises, some good, some bad, but never perfection. Try not to believe their stories or the stump speeches. Imagine for a moment that each of them is part used car salesman, tobacco lawyer, mixed in with a dash of Ponzi schemer. Now that you have that visual image, listen to their sound bites. Most of it will start to sound like Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny having a go at each other.

Are you personally devastated because of a lay off, sickness, loss of family member, theft, divorce, physical catastrophe, accident? Then of course, you have my genuine sympathy.

First, it isn’t all that bad for most of us. If you’re homeless, I can greatly sympathize. Fortunately, most of us aren’t, but we love to find things to grumble about, because in our mind, things can and should be a lot better, or people nicer.

Thimk!Well ducky, get over your wee self and enjoy what you have, not what you don’t have or want. Why not choose to find things that are working well for you? After all this whole notion of a better world has to start somewhere, it might be best affected by your own attitude and behavior. Don’t think it has to be a long-range plan, try turning the moment into a good one. Work within the minute & a half you can focus on, and think of something fantastic.

brain waves graphicThe better world we want has to start from within. If people dislike you, maybe it’s you that’s the problem, and not other people. The way we want it to be is up to us to decide, not for others to extend their magical fairy dust powers. It can be better if we create our own better world by making choices which aren’t quite so self-limiting or always chosen by others. Choose to be happy today, now… or not… it’s up to you.

10 Magnificent Facts about 10 American Presidents.
[Glove & Boots]