Category Archives: Humor

Why I Hate Automotive Tech

There comes a time when the development of cars, computers, and so-called electronic convenience, become anything but that.

Fixing my own cars, and occasionally for others, I’ve witnessed this march to built-in catastrophic entrapment for several decades… and it ain’t pretty.

There was a time when an engine could be removed, valves replaced, seats ground, pistons pulled, cylinders rehoned, rings replaced, transmissions removed and rebuilt, and you could continue to use the same car for many years. If you want to keep them now, it’s going to be an expensive proposition.

Then came the need for pollution control systems. Not satisfied with pumping in more air to burn waste gases, nor using expensive palladium catalytic converters on the exhaust. That wasn’t enough. Let’s put in some sensors, and computerize the whole process of bringing in air, swirling it about with computer timed fuel injection and variable valve timing. Then fart it out the back with sensors that constantly sniff for emissions, only to feedback through the computer, hey – you’re giving me gas!

As if that wasn’t enough, they installed infotainment systems into these supposed smarter cars. Only one problem with that, no make it two. First the drivers need updates, and that wasn’t happening. Knob fiddling was one thing, but glaring at a screen which not only controls the interior temp, your favorite radio stations, the last 500 songs you cleverly downloaded, and also gives you reroute instructions past the 15 car pile up you need to avoid to get to work.

What Are The Usual Causes For Computer Failure in Vehicles

car-computer-insideNot only are computers failing with ever-increasing frequency, due to downsizing all those millions of tiny micro junctures, which makes them more susceptible to cycles of heat and cold. They now control your 9-speed automatic transmission which is arguing with your engine management systems on what the right fuel-air combination, meshing with the right gears for your on and off the acceleration because you couldn’t make up your mind on which of the 6 lanes of traffic to travel.

Mercedes, among several later manufacturers, has built-in systems to detect when you’ve listened to way too many conference calls and are now too drowsy to stay in your lane. They’ve also added another computer to check that your eyes are scrutinizing that fancy whiz-bang infotainment system instead of driving, and are about to plow into the little old person crossing the road in their 4 wheel drive, electronically controlled wheel chair. It has now applied the computer management system for your brakes, and detected the G-force to be sufficient to maim you, has launched 3 out of 7 possible air bags to cushion your low earth orbit.

One last system has been called upon to maintain your ride stability system which manages ride height on all 4 wheels, keeping you level, while bearing down on previously mentioned senior citizen, having a cardiac event in front of your just in time stopped car.

Never mind, the smart 4 wheel drive scooter has called 911 to get her or him the assistance they need.

Meanwhile, you will have gone through a pile of cash or credit to replace the inflated airbags and clean up the interior of your car, contaminated by all the internal special powder they put in those airbags, combined with your sudden urge that has stained the leather in your seat. After you receive the hospital bill for the face and neck burns from the airbags, you will visit your doctor for a prescription of Nitrazepam.

infotainment_cntrThe advance of technology has repealed radio / cassette knobs, in favor of a computerized lit entertainment screen which beckon you to gaze at it, instead of attentive driving.

BTW, you’ll need a new infotainment system after you have smashed your knuckles into it when your computer determined you had to stop extra fast because of the kitty running across the road in front of your collision avoidance equipped, modern car. evil_mask_sml

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My best sock monkey

Stop To Laugh.. It’s Better Than You Think.

I’m not going to turn this into a political blog, but there’s a recurring theme in these presidential wannabe’s. It goes something like this . . . seeking wisdom

  • We need to be great again; I’m going to make us great, again.
  • We’re destroying the environment; I’m going to restore it.
  • We’re destroying the middle class; I’m going to get it back.
  • We’re divided; I’m going to unite us again.
  • We need to live like X years ago; I’m going to get us back there.
  • We’re in need of hope; I’m here to restore it.
  • We’re not feeling safe; I’m going to make us safe again.

What are we thinking? Do we really believe in this giant baloney sandwich served on a plate of horse squeeze?

Every election cycle there’s someone who says, there’s too much unfairness going around, and I’m going to fix it. We don’t live well like country Ozmania or Fairydustonia. Elect me and I’m going to spend a lot more so we can be a lot more like those wonderful Lowerslovonian’s.

I can’t speak for you, but things are a lot better now than we’re often led or choose to believe. We don’t have nearly as many problems to wake up to each day, fighting in a world hostile to everyday existence. There are places in the world where that’s still true, but not so much here.

Are we really that miserable that the empty and vague promises made by someone who wants us to think they have magical powers, will grant our wishes?

I’ve been voting for over 40 years, and with rare exception do I find someone remotely close to the type of person they self-promoted.

George & Martha Goose become disinterestedNo doubt, it’s a lot easier to point things out that aren’t perfect and could be better, than it is to fix them. Once in a while, we get surprises, some good, some bad, but never perfection. Try not to believe their stories or the stump speeches. Imagine for a moment that each of them is part used car salesman, tobacco lawyer, mixed in with a dash of Ponzi schemer. Now that you have that visual image, listen to their sound bites. Most of it will start to sound like Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny having a go at each other.

Are you personally devastated because of a lay off, sickness, loss of family member, theft, divorce, physical catastrophe, accident? Then of course, you have my genuine sympathy.

First, it isn’t all that bad for most of us. If you’re homeless, I can greatly sympathize. Fortunately, most of us aren’t, but we love to find things to grumble about, because in our mind, things can and should be a lot better, or people nicer.

Thimk!Well ducky, get over your wee self and enjoy what you have, not what you don’t have or want. Why not choose to find things that are working well for you? After all this whole notion of a better world has to start somewhere, it might be best affected by your own attitude and behavior. Don’t think it has to be a long-range plan, try turning the moment into a good one. Work within the minute & a half you can focus on, and think of something fantastic.

brain waves graphicThe better world we want has to start from within. If people dislike you, maybe it’s you that’s the problem, and not other people. The way we want it to be is up to us to decide, not for others to extend their magical fairy dust powers. It can be better if we create our own better world by making choices which aren’t quite so self-limiting or always chosen by others. Choose to be happy today, now… or not… it’s up to you.

10 Magnificent Facts about 10 American Presidents.
[Glove & Boots]

A Fine Feathered Fracas

It was a blustery day at Goose Down Falls, and the natives were restless.

The wind and rain were extracting their toll

The wind and rain were extracting their toll

George making inquiriesI had walked into the territory of George E. Goose; and I had interrupted his leisurely stroll with his lady, Martha A. Goose.

He proceeded to make inquiries . . .

He had some serious issues with me walking through without so much as a . . .

 . . by your leave . .

George presses forward in his attackThis intrusion requires a full challenge and at least a quick snap of his powerful bill…

Only to find that despite his best efforts . .

I was on to him . . .

 

George appears to have received some military training . .

Hah! I will out flank this giant.

Hah! I will flank this giant.

He soon attempts a flanking manuever . . .

Seeing the futility in this attempt to out flank me . .

 

 

 

George says to Martha . .

Let’s pretend that we’re not interested in this giant.

George & Martha Goose become disinterested in me.

George & Martha Goose become disinterested in me.

Very well, let’s be on our way.

I’ve grown tired of toying with this lumbering beast with huge feet.

 


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