The New Citizens Prayer

US flag Whitehouse
Oh great and powerful Washington we ask you to make our lives better.

Oh great Washington we ask that you give us clean water.

We ask you to give us better atmosphere, with desirable temperatures and temperate climate.

We beseech thee to give us fairness & justice.

Oh great Washington, we ask you to remove all statutes and monuments that offend us.

Oh great and good Washington, we ask you restrain all individuals or groups that we don’t approve of, or say words that we don’t wish to hear.

Great Washington, protect us from our enemies, negotiate with each of them, give them what they want, except the Republicans. We know they’re beyond any rational discussion.

Oh great Washington give us peaceful coexistence at reduced cost.

Oh great Washington give us free food, free housing, free cell phones, health care, education, and basic income.

Oh great Washington, let all people come into our country and enjoy all of our free or reduced cost benefits.

Finally oh Great Washington, let us live pain free, without having to face anything too challenging.

Allow us to not only receive low cost energy, we also need low cost drugs of our choosing without arrest or punishment.

Give us all these things without consequences and no conditions. Create as much money and prosperity to meet all our wants and needs.

These are our simple requests, our fundamental rights, and for that we commit to electing all of those who agree to give us these basic needs and our human rights.

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